*Mom's Anniversary*

December 5th was the one year anniversary of my Mom's passing.  Interestingly enough, the two night's before I had a dream about her.  I was able to hug her in the dream, hold her, cry and and talk to her for a little bit, telling her I loved and missed her so much.  She was trying to be strong but I saw how much it was breaking her up to see me this way.  She said she had to go and that it was her time.   I didn't want to argue with her although so many of us believe something so very different.  And then it was over.  I'm sure this was her way of letting me know she was ok but I just can't help but feel a part of me will forever be missing.  That's what made that Monday the 5th, so special, that my friends have continued this past year to help fill that void, and I'm so appreciative of all of them.

Drinking Palmina Wine from the last trip to Solvang the family made with Mom!  Thankful for the wonderful
gals in this photo and everyone who stopped by that day, reached out, has checked in throughout the year, and
more.  I couldn't be as strong as I've been without your support and love.  My Mom is smiling down on the fact
I have such wonderful friends and family.  She'd really be proud <3

I set up the day with a morning walk, and then relaxing, food, Champagne & wine, cheese, dessert, movies, my girlfriends, and memories of Mom.  A special thank you to Kristina (all that amazing wine & Champs), Emily, Giana, Carolyn, Rachel, Lauren, Courtney, Fern, and Kenni whom stopped by, brought flowers, special gifts, Wisconsin cheese, wine, or hung out (thanks to my Improv crew for excusing me for the day), and to Nick for the beautiful flowers and thoughts from Wisconsin, my family for their special tribute, and all of my friends that said prayers, sent texts, messages, and more.  They were so greatly appreciated.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Beautiful flowers from Rachel, Nick & Giana :)

It was truly the best day it could have been, barring the circumstances and I'm so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.  I read the Eulogy I read at my Mom's funeral; it was the first time I had read it since the funeral, and there was not a dry eye in the room.  We shared funny stories about my Mom, and just had a girl's day, the way Mom would have wanted it to be.  Even if she would have taken a nap in the early evening before the movie started.  We closed out the night with 'Pretty Woman,' one of my Mom's favorites and before I knew it, the day was over, and it was just another day in December.

Mom...the hugs, phone conversations, love, funny jokes, memories or thoughts never cease to exist, and I wish I could have a million more shared with you.  I'm actually surprised I've been able to go on at all because this was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through, and I know I'm only able to because of the strength and compassion you have instilled in me.  I end this blog with a quote I posted to my Pinterest.  "For the rest of my life, I will search for moments full of you."  It's amazing how I feel your prescence and all of a sudden you're there, and then you're gone; but I will forever live for those moments knowing you're walking beside me, except when it's too hard for me to walk, you will be the one carrying me, and that set of footprints will become one <3

We miss you every day, Mommy!

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my Mommy you'll be.

Rutherford B Hayes...my new Puppy!

I had been waiting for this moment my whole life...I became a Mom to this little nugget just a few weeks ago.  I met him when he was five weeks old and while I wasn't sure if he wanted me to be his Mom at first, he proved it by the time I left an hour later, that he was mine, and I was his.

The day I met Rutherford <3

The name Rutherford, sounded so cute to me but I also remembered there was a President, Rutherford B Hayes, and I needed to make sure he was cool enough so that my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy could take on his name and wear it with pride.  RBH was the 19th President (I was born on the 19th), from Ohio, and he brought moderate social reform, was loyal and honest.  In fact, he fought in the Civil War and refused to leave his fellow man behind.  That decided it!  Trust me, I had a list of 30 different names but Rutherford was always the one that stuck out and my little nugget answers to it, seems to enjoy it, and in fact, when he was laying in my lap at five weeks old, I had said a couple things to him, and he only turned and looked at me when I called him Rutherford.  I guess he actually chose his own name; it's just so regal and fitting for him!

Nicole & Rutherford :)

I brought Rutherford (Rutherford Be-Have) home on the 31st of May and thankfully my cousin, Nicole, was with me, because she became the best personal assistant I could have asked for!  RBH was on his best behavior the first couple of days, exploring the apartment, not wandering too far from me, and sleeping peacefully.  I only had to wake up one time in the middle of the night (each night) to take him out (mind you, I do keep late hours so I'm not going to bed until 2 or 3 and wake up between 9 and 10).  We had no accidents until a few days in; then he got more wild and rambunctious and found out that his cute little face could make me melt.  How could I ever be mad or upset when he looked at me with his beautiful eyes and happy little mischievous smile!

There's no true comparison when it comes to raising children and having a dog but it does feel similar at times.  The constant supervision, the fact that Rutherford has completely taken over my life and attention, and me getting any work done takes five times as long, and certain things just get pushed to the wayside and are no longer a priority because he has taken over.  I knew he'd be expensive and time-consuming and he is, we'll just leave it at that.  But when he sleeps on my foot as I'm getting ready in the morning, or snuggles next to me to take a nap, or puts his head on my shoulder when I'm sitting on the floor and he's up on the couch, or follows a command I give him, there is no better feeling in the world than knowing he loves his Mommy, and I sure as heck love him more than I thought was imaginable.

Taking my happy boy to his forever home with me!

So here's to my little boy, Rutherford B (short for Bubba, one of my Mom's nicknames) Hayes, thanks for making me a Mom...I hope I'm making my own Mom proud <3

*You can find me on Instagram at: Lyndsey on Insta or Rutherford's Instagram: Rutherford B Hayes Wegner on Insta.  He also has his own Facebook page because he's such a cutie and wants to share his adventures with the world!  Find him here: Rutherford's Facebook  

**If anyone is looking for a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, I got him through Victoria at Woodland Cavaliers and I would recommend her to anyone!  Feel free to message me or comment with any questions :)

Celebrating my Mom's Birthday

It would have been my Mom's 57th Birthday (sorry Mom, should I say 29th) on February 9th.  Every day has been a struggle and that day could have been completely miserable, but it wasn't, and although I cried and missed her throughout the day, I tried to make the most of it and do things that she would enjoy doing.  What better way to celebrate than by eating, which she and I definitely had in common :)

My day started with a morning work-out and then I had set up an appointment at the Aveda Salon to get my hair-cut and also get a facial.  It was one of the best hair-cuts I've gotten there and I always make a stop at Diddy Riese for an Ice Cream Cookie Sandwich when I'm in Westwood.  Mom loved stopping there too when she was visiting.  I picked out a dress that Mom really liked and was ready when Jamie picked me up for our incredible Food Adventure!

Cheers Mom...Happy Birthday!

Jamie and I started off at Pearl's on Sunset in West Hollywood.  Carolyn (who was also very close with my Mom) manages the Bar/Restaurant and it was also Happy Hour, so we were excited for the $1 Oysters and $3 Champagne, and other yummy bites.  The Oysters were fabulous and the Champagne was sweet; I had my first ever Grilled Oyster and Fried Oyster, which I loved.  We also had the Lollipop Lamb Chops and Grilled & Chilled Shrimp.  Everything was delicious including our cocktails!  And there was even a place setting for my Mom...thanks Carol <3

Pearl's on Sunset with Jamie & Carolyn

Next up was EPLP on La Cienega.  Initially, I was a little nervous.  I checked out the menu during the day and was a little leery about it but after getting a glass of wine I was ready to be adventurous.  I was with Jamie afterall, and she always makes me try new and strange things and I usually end up loving them.  Like the Abalone which is similar to a snail (I made sure Jamie didn't tell me what it was or I would have shied away from it) that was absolutely delicious!  We also did the Kakoda, which was raw shrimp ceviche with coconut milk, lime and chili.  In all honesty, I had so many favorites throughout this meal, I can't pick just one or two.  Although I would go back and order that ceviche again and again!  We also got the Wood Grilled Octopus; I am not an Octopus fan but I did try it, and it was alright (better than ok but probably not something I would order again, although the salad it came with was really yummy).  We did the Heirloom Tomato and I felt like I was missing out on the cheese in it, but of course there wouldn't be cheese in Asian Cuisine.  It was light and fresh.  For our entree, we ordered the Massaman Curry which was Venison Shank (another surprise, I thought it was short rib, but it was tender and flavorful but not too gamey) served with a pickled green relish and brown rice.  At this point, we were really full from our Happy Hour but everything was too good not to eat.  Thankfully, the Curry would be great later on, and I also took the leftover Octopus Salad and brown rice.  Special thanks to Jamie's friend who took such great care and made us feel so special on a beautiful day.

No meal is complete without dessert and Jamie knows me too well as to not stop somewhere for the finishing touch to our Food Adventure.  Our final stop was Terrine on Beverly for Beignets and an after-dinner drink.  The Beignets were light and airy, and my Gin Cocktail was fresh and just enough to close out the evening still feeling good.

I'm so glad we were able to check out a couple new places and get to Pearl's for the Tuesday Oyster & Champagne night, I'll definitely be back for that, and EPLP has a beautiful rooftop that we didn't get to see, so I'm sure the next time we have Dinner, we'll visit that as well!

I wish I could share more Birthday's with my Mom but I will continue to celebrate for and with her, no matter what, and I'm so glad I had such a great friend to share that special day with!

Thoughts of Mom

I read an article today on what region of the brain is the starting point for Alzheimer's and it excited me to find this information and know something that could potentially cause it could be stopped by just getting a good night's rest.  This is obviously not the case for everyone but if it could help, I'm willing to learn and read more on it!  As I read the article it made me think about my Mom and Grandma and I wanted to share my thoughts here :)

My Grandmother died 10 years ago after battling Alzheimer's and when that happened, I knew a little part of my Mom had died because she was so close with her Mom (my Grandma). It changed her, therefore changed me, and this disease is such a sad one to watch a family member go through. To watch my Grandma forget who we were, her ability to know how to eat, and even show emotion was devastating and the toll it took on my Mom, her sisters, brother, my Grandpa before he passed, and all of us who loved my Grandma so dearly was so difficult. Finding a way to slow the on-set of it, and a cure for the disease would be great but reading this article means it starts with a good night's sleep. A thing I have been far too aware of for the past couple months...if getting a good night's sleep means that I can keep my family and future from going through this, it is all the more reason to keep stress at bay, and take some time for myself. Before I came back to LA, I had spent a lot of time at home cleaning and organizing things so that it would be easier for my Dad to keep the house tidy without my Mom. I found a Thanksgiving card my Mom had written a couple years after my Grandma had passed, in it she said when she visited my Grandma that she would just constantly talk to her while my Grandma would just watch her. Then she'd lay her head on my Grandma's shoulder and cry, and Grandma would start crying too. She could no longer speak, she had lost the sparkle in her eye, and had even forgotten how to smile, but my Mom knew this was my Grandma trying to comfort her the only way she knew how. I cried as I read the beautiful note my Mom had written and I knew how much she loved her and missed her every day. Before my Grandma could no longer speak, she still called me her 'Tiny One.' I know my Mom got to reunite with her parents in Heaven just two short months ago and is able to have the conversations she'd been waiting to have for over 10 years. I can't wait to have a conversation with you again, Mom, I miss you every day.

Grandma & Grandpa Jacoby with my Mom over 30 years ago!

If you'd like to check out the article: http://www.medicaldaily.com/alzheimers-ground-zero-locus-coeruleus-373619

Losing my Mom is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to go through.  The reason I'm posting these stories and sharing memories is because I want people to feel comfortable with their feelings (I cry in public on a regular basis at this point) and know it's ok to hurt and grieve.  I think it's also important to keep someone's spirit alive and remember all the wonderful memories that were created.  I appreciate all the support my family, friends, and even just the passerby have been giving me and will continue to show me as I learn to live without the person who meant more to me than anyone else.  One day at a time <3 

Heaven Gained an Angel

I apologize for my sudden disappearance here on my blog...my life completely changed over a month ago.  Early Saturday morning on December 5th, my Mom was hit by a car in which the driver lost control on the icy road, and she killed about 50 feet from our driveway in Wisconsin as she was nearly home from her twice daily walk.  She was young, she was healthy, she had plenty of life to live, and she was my best friend.  I obviously wasn't in a place to write here or be creative partially because I was so busy helping my family, spending time with all of them, taking on the daily tasks that my Mom did, and trying to understand why this could happen to someone so wonderful.  I know that everything happens for a reason, our life is predestined for us, and that God must have needed her in Heaven more than we needed her here on Earth.  But that certainly doesn't make the days, hours, or minutes go by any easier.  I miss her more than I ever thought was imaginable.  I talked to her nearly every day on the phone and sometimes twice a day or more.  I'd call to tell her what my plans were for the day, if I was going out, when I was heading to work and had some time to talk, when I was waiting between auditions, to find out what she and Dad had planned for the night, how her job was going, excited about when we'd get to see each other next, about guys and going on dates, and pretty much everything else.  I could tell her almost anything, gave far too many details at times, but I know she always appreciated that honesty, and that was important.  I've been trying to take things one day at a time, while some are easier than others, that last month while I was back in Wisconsin was really just a blur of emotions and emptiness.  The last two weeks here in LA have been jam-packed, which has really been great.  My friends have kept me so busy and booked all my time between all of my jobs so that I have something to do.  The support from everyone has been unwavering and appreciated beyond any words that I could say.  Thank you everyone for your patience, support, love, and kind words; they have helped me through this time and will continue to do so as the days, months, and years go by.  Thank you to my readers for allowing me a safe space to share my life and moments with all of you. 

My Mom meant so much to so many people and I'm grateful to be her forever little girl.  I pray for strength every day...I love and miss you, Mommy <3