I Came Back '1000 Times'

Seven years ago today my life totally changed.  Someone came into my life that I believed would be in it forever.  It wasn't love at first sight, or even first kiss, but it grew into something more than I could have ever expected.  I never had so much in common with someone, someone who challenged me, learning something new every day about each other, so much fun together, trying new things and liking them, and so much passion and intensity.  Yet all the while he told me I was his forever, it just wasn't meant to be.  And I've been left to wonder if that was a lie the entire time.

The emotional abuse at the hands of the person I loved and accepted left me broken and shattered over the years; being cheated on, lied to, manipulated, and worse was something I mistook for a deep love, thinking this was what I deserved.  This is not to say I did not make poor decisions and mistakes in our relationship, because I did, but looking at it after all these years, I would never have allowed a friend to go through what I did at the hands of someone I believed was my soulmate.  There were a lot of times that things were fabulously blissful.  Truly remarkable, really.  When someone tells you that you make them into the man they want to be, and a better version of themselves, because their life is one f*cked up mess after another, you believe and find a little slice of hope and promise aside from all the other bull that would pop up.  Drama would "magically" create itself and when a substance takes over someone's life, they need to heal themselves before you can even try to help.  'But I know blue, only blue, lonely blue.'  The roller coaster can't always be going up and each time he cheated (so many times I lost count), that feeling of being replaced built, that it was my fault, that something was wrong with me, and I began to question everything about myself.  So much that my Mom said I wasn't the same happy little girl I once was before I met him.

One thing that never faltered was my Mom and the growing resentment she felt toward this person over the years (who she initially supported and thought could make me happy, but she saw the signs way before I did and she couldn't forgive him) for hurting her only daughter and she couldn't fix the situation or my broken-heart.  I couldn't see it at the time; I had blinders on.  I wanted to believe the best in him, in every person really, a quality I have to a fault.  'Who wouldn't stand inside your love.'  I still question it at times and I think that's part of what makes losing my Mom so hard.  Was it a complete waste of my late 20's into 30's?  Could she have seen me walk down the aisle or held a grandchild had I not been so selfish with my feelings of wanting love?  She was so torn up about this at times she had said, if you stay with this person, she would never accept him and it was ruining her and I's relationship.  And I HATED doing that to her but for some reason, I still felt drawn to him and continued a relationship, even in secret for periods of time.  I hit a point where she didn't want to comfort me anymore when I was upset because it was nearly driving her insane, and that wasn't like her at all.

Even after my Mom's tragic passing in December 2015 and the horrendous things that he said (it is literally sickening) in the hours after her death, I trusted him yet again, because 'I was his best friend, he was in love with me, and always would love me,' until I made a move to detach forever last August 2016 because I couldn't take the lies anymore.  'She is gone, but she used to be mine.'  The amount of guilt I feel because I believed all the nonsense for so long and hurt my Mom in the process, may never go away.  And I am so sorry Mom, for putting you through that.  For not seeing what you and my whole family and most of my friends saw.  For not being able to apologize in person because you cared more than anyone else and you just wanted what was best for me.

I am trying to be a smarter, stronger, and even more positive person every day and also work through the emotional turmoil that created a wall I should never have.  You were right, Mom, you usually were.  But I have fully loved and lost, and I know that you live every day in hopes that I find my true forever to create the life you always dreamed I would have, one day.  And whether that is alone or with someone, we know it is God's plan, like losing you far too soon, and we have to trust in it.  That's what Faith is, trusting in what you cannot see.  

To the person who built me up with the deepest love I have ever felt, I am grateful.  To the person who pushed me into the darkest depths with your words and actions, I am grateful.  For I am a better version of myself; I have been so low and still survived when it seemed like the impossible.  I no longer have to live with the damage you created and trash you have brought into your life. She's not me, and she never will be.  I forgive you for the pain you caused and hope you find the peace you're searching for because I could not save you from the destructive path you continued to choose.  'Goodbye my hopeless dream.'  I'm sorry for hurting you in any way.  Your feelings should not be diminished and are valid as well.  I got a fresh start because I let go of you and the false sense of forever you kept trying to sell me, and have so many precious moments to look forward to.

I have kept silent for so long, pushed these feelings deeper and deeper, tried to tuck them away, but even through the tears and emotions of writing this, it is a release I have needed for a long time.  It needed to be said.  Without my Mom, I wouldn't have had the strength to carry on throughout the heartbreak, but I live every day for her and the incredible person she was and shared with the world.  Thank you Mom, for guiding me on the right path; I love you and hope you can forgive me for the mistakes I made, and know that I would take it all back, to have one more day with you.  If I could be just half the woman, you were, I'd be the luckiest girl.  O Beechum Te, Mommy <3

Rutherford's First Birthday!

Rutherford celebrated his First Birthday with friends and a pool party on April 4th!  We had snacks, drinks, cupcakes, Birthday Cake from The Dog Bakery which was adorable, and sunshine!  It was such a fun day and I'm so glad some of his favorite people and pups were able to come to the party!

Happy 1st Birthday Ruthey!

I didn't plan on spoiling him but I definitely did.  He loved The Dog Bakery and I did too!  It's definitely a place I'll stop at if I'm getting treats for a special occasion and all the cakes are baked fresh and it smelled delicious in there.  He got some new toys, treats, a cute new shirt, and lots of love from his friends.  He was able to hang out with us by the pool and play with some of my neighbor's dogs, and Rusty brought his roommate's dog too.  It kept Rutherford busy and he had plenty of play-time.

It's so crazy to me that it's been nearly a year since I first met Rutherford and then took him home a couple weeks later.  He's changed my life in so many ways and I didn't know I could love something so much.  Rutherford has grown so much in the past year and I'm glad my friends and I were able to celebrate his Birthday.  I love you Baby Boy <3

Rutherford is cuteness overload every day but especially was on his Birthday!

Thank you to everyone who came to the party, brought goodies, wished Rutherford a Happy Birthday and more.  We appreciate you so much :) 

*Shout-out to my Mom!  This was her Romper she used to wear all the time and I loved seeing her in it.  She always looked so beautiful when she wore it, like a breath of fresh Summer air.  It was a perfect time to wear it for Ruthey's Birthday!

Resolutions & Goals for 2017

As we've gotten settled into January and the new year, I took some time to figure out what I wanted for myself this year.  With the life-changing year of 2016, I am really excited to welcome 2017.  Out with the old and in with the new, and here's to a fresh new start with stronger relationships, more creativity, positivity, yummy food, and work!

Last year I took a Master Class at the Ruskin School, working with Chris Mulkie, Paul Sand, Billy DaMota, Paul Ruddy, Bruce Davisson, and more.  I learned so much over the weeks and certainly grew as an Actor.  These Actors & Coaches (including John Ruskin) pulled so much out of me and brought new ideas and intentions for me to work on.  I'm always striving to learn new techniques that make me stronger in my choices.  I started producing some of my Aftershows at Afterbuzz TV as well, and brought in a ton of guests to talk about 'Supernatural.'  This show continues to pick up steam and just got renewed for Season 13...woo!  We had a few Improv Shows and I've been actively involved in our weekly Improv classes.  CAC Studios had also re-opened 'Thenardier's Inn' and I got to do some Princess Shows on top of our adult shows.  I even stretched my range by working with some talented actors for 'One Night Stands,' which was a blast and challenge.  I can't wait to get involved with some new projects this year, film with my friends, creating our own work, and get myself out more often!

'No day but today!' ~ Rent (Photo by Angel Romero)

I grew in the kitchen too, thanks to Blue Apron.  The girls from Lubitsch gifted me a couple weeks at Christmas time, and I actually kept up with it because I love to cook.  It makes it so much easier when the ingredients and recipes are delivered right to your door and all you have to do is cook it up.  I'm looking forward to making some of these recipes on my own now!  I Hosted my first Dinner Party last week and can't wait to have another one.  Health and fitness-wise, I've been working really hard and thankfully can still enjoy my favorite foods but need to make sure to keep up with my work-outs because it's definitely harder to stay in shape in your 30's.  Water has been a huge part of the last year, as I've made sure to drink a minimum of eight glasses a day and I can truly say I've seen a difference in my skin (it looks clearer and brighter), I very rarely have a headache, hangovers are far less regular, and I don't crave sweets or sugary drinks like I used to.  I always have a bottle of water with me, wherever I go, so that makes it super easy to keep up with my water intake.

My circle of friends has grown and become tighter and I've gotten so much closer with my family as well.  Everyone has come together during some hard times and I couldn't be more grateful for my wonderful family and friends.  I also gained a new family member; Rutherford B Hayes, has come into my life, stolen my heart, and I love that little man more than words can express.  He has helped me get through some of the toughest times in the past year.  It's insane to realize how much he has impacted my life.  And it was an honor to become a God-Mother to my cousins little girl, Alina!  We got to see our whole Jacoby side of the family for Monica & Tyler's Wedding this past Summer in Newport Beach.  As we all make transitions into our lives without my Mom, I know that my relationships with those that are important will flourish.  Thank you to those incredible people.

The gals and I made a couple trips to Vegas in the past year, I went back to Wisconsin a few times, and was able to check out some new restaurants here in LA, have more Girl's Nights and Game Nights, and also saw some wonderful theater and shows.  I was inspired and even started writing my own sitcom and am very excited to make progress on that this year.  That is one of my driving forces right now to keep me in LA.  I don't know exactly where I want to go next but I know that I need to give my all in order to feel fulfilled in what I've done here in LA if I do want to move somewhere else.  But I've got at least one more year here in LA and know that it'll only bring more success because I've got dreams, and I'm going to make them happen!

I'm charging into 2017 with a passion and drive that won't be stopped!  Here we go...

What's for Dinner? Part 16.

After I made this Corn Succotash recipe for Thanksgiving and my Dad actually ate his vegetables, I knew I had a hit on my hands.  Whenever we go to Cheesecake Factory his usual go-to is this Meatloaf with their Corn Succotash.  In fact, when we went the last time before I came back to LA, he ate all the Succotash, not pushing the peppers or zucchini out of it!  That means that when I made it at Thanksgiving and he watched me prep the recipe he actually didn't mind eating those random veggies he would normally avoid...SCORE!  I made the Corn Succotash again at Christmas for our big family dinner and everyone enjoyed it.  So here I am back, with a new recipe to share!

Corn Succotash

3 to 4 Cups Corn (I like to over-power with corn)

1.5 Cups Bell Peppers (diced, preferably Red or one whole Pepper)

1.5 Cups Zucchini (quartered or one whole zucchini)

1 Cup Onion (chopped)

4-6 Cloves of Garlic

2 Tbsp Olive Oil

2 Tbsp Butter or Margarine

1/2 Cup to 1 Cup of Chicken or Vegetable Stock

Salt & Pepper

1 Tsp Cinnamon

1 Tsp Ginger Powder 

1/4 Cup Chopped Cilantro (optional)
Any other seasonings you may like, Garlic or Onion Powder, Cumin, Nutmeg, 21 Seasoning Salute (I like Onion Powder and the 21 Seasoning Salute from Trader Joe's)

Succotash getting it's cook on!

Start by heating the olive oil in a big frying pan and once it's hot add in your corn and chopped onion.  While that's blackening over medium high heat, chop up your peppers and zucchini.  Make sure to frequently stir the corn and onion and season with salt and pepper.  When that has turned golden or slightly blackened, add in your butter, peppers and zucchini.  I love garlic and I use a garlic press for my six cloves for a more subtle hint but you could chop which would bring more of the garlic out. Once again season with salt and pepper.  You're going to add in your other seasonings at this point, and that's where the hint of sweetness will come in thanks to your Cinnamon and Ginger.  Let that cook for about five minutes and let the veggies you just added in, soften.  After that, add in your Stock of choice; I prefer Chicken for more flavor but you could use Vegetable to make the dish vegetarian.  You cold also skip the Butter and make the dish Vegan; there's plenty of options!  You want to let your succotash simmer, stirring occasionally, for about 10 minutes, or until all the vegetables are cooked through and soft.  You don't want them macerated, but you also don't want a crunch when you're taking a bite.  After that you'll season one more time with salt and pepper and before serving stir in your chopped cilantro.  I love the brightness of cilantro but know it's not for everyone, so if you prefer Basil, that would be great as well, or you can skip it all together.  Trust me, your succotash will not be lacking in flavor!

Thanksgiving Dinner with my Corn Succotash

My Dad has been my sous chef both times I've made this recipe and is surprisingly a big help in the kitchen.  I love the way this recipe turned out!  Because it was Fall when I first made the Succotash, fresh Corn wasn't in season, but I can just imagine how wonderful it would be straight from the cob and into this dish.  I love the idea of the sweet seasonings to bring in more flavors and it felt very hearty and warm especially during the Holidays!  This recipe makes a good ten servings (we had leftovers too).  While it's easy to just do a single vegetable, I really wanted to try something different and I knew if I could make a dish my Dad would eat, everyone else would enjoy it as well.  Two thumbs up from Dad makes me a happy girl :)  

*Mom's Anniversary*

December 5th was the one year anniversary of my Mom's passing.  Interestingly enough, the two night's before I had a dream about her.  I was able to hug her in the dream, hold her, cry and and talk to her for a little bit, telling her I loved and missed her so much.  She was trying to be strong but I saw how much it was breaking her up to see me this way.  She said she had to go and that it was her time.   I didn't want to argue with her although so many of us believe something so very different.  And then it was over.  I'm sure this was her way of letting me know she was ok but I just can't help but feel a part of me will forever be missing.  That's what made that Monday the 5th, so special, that my friends have continued this past year to help fill that void, and I'm so appreciative of all of them.

Drinking Palmina Wine from the last trip to Solvang the family made with Mom!  Thankful for the wonderful
gals in this photo and everyone who stopped by that day, reached out, has checked in throughout the year, and
more.  I couldn't be as strong as I've been without your support and love.  My Mom is smiling down on the fact
I have such wonderful friends and family.  She'd really be proud <3

I set up the day with a morning walk, and then relaxing, food, Champagne & wine, cheese, dessert, movies, my girlfriends, and memories of Mom.  A special thank you to Kristina (all that amazing wine & Champs), Emily, Giana, Carolyn, Rachel, Lauren, Courtney, Fern, and Kenni whom stopped by, brought flowers, special gifts, Wisconsin cheese, wine, or hung out (thanks to my Improv crew for excusing me for the day), and to Nick for the beautiful flowers and thoughts from Wisconsin, my family for their special tribute, and all of my friends that said prayers, sent texts, messages, and more.  They were so greatly appreciated.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Beautiful flowers from Rachel, Nick & Giana :)

It was truly the best day it could have been, barring the circumstances and I'm so lucky to have such wonderful people in my life.  I read the Eulogy I read at my Mom's funeral; it was the first time I had read it since the funeral, and there was not a dry eye in the room.  We shared funny stories about my Mom, and just had a girl's day, the way Mom would have wanted it to be.  Even if she would have taken a nap in the early evening before the movie started.  We closed out the night with 'Pretty Woman,' one of my Mom's favorites and before I knew it, the day was over, and it was just another day in December.

Mom...the hugs, phone conversations, love, funny jokes, memories or thoughts never cease to exist, and I wish I could have a million more shared with you.  I'm actually surprised I've been able to go on at all because this was the most difficult thing I've ever gone through, and I know I'm only able to because of the strength and compassion you have instilled in me.  I end this blog with a quote I posted to my Pinterest.  "For the rest of my life, I will search for moments full of you."  It's amazing how I feel your prescence and all of a sudden you're there, and then you're gone; but I will forever live for those moments knowing you're walking beside me, except when it's too hard for me to walk, you will be the one carrying me, and that set of footprints will become one <3

We miss you every day, Mommy!

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my Mommy you'll be.

Photos from Dad's Visit to LA :)

My Dad came out to visit for nearly a week at the end of November for Thanksgiving!  We always pack so much into our trip and this one was no different.  From Karaoke, to Thanksgiving, the LA Auto Show, steak dinners, cocktails at Blind Barber, time with friends, and more, we had a great time.  I can't wait for Dad's next trip to LA!

Dad, Rutherford, and I ready to celebrate Thanksgiving after a fun morning
making our side dishes and having some Champagne :)

Rutherford & Kristina (the beautiful Hostess) on Thanksgiving!

Our Saint's & Sinner's reunion at Lubitsch...Dad's chilling in the back with his Maker's & Coke!

Dad loves his Grand-Dog Rutherford <3

I'm always looking for new ideas and fun things to do so I have something planned for Dad's next visit.  Feel free to comment below if you have any ideas you'd like to share :)

*And you may recognize some of these photos from my Instagram, but if not, feel free to give me a follow by clicking this link: Lyndsey on Instagram* Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays Everyone!

Thanksgiving in LA and Dad's Visit!

We're already into December but a little wrap-up about the week of Thanksgiving is always on time!  My Dad came to visit me and it was his first time flying solo.  He's always flown with my Mom, and the last time he came out here, he was with my brother and my brother's girlfriend.  I was very proud he was able to do it all on his own!

Dad got into town on Wednesday so I picked him up at the airport and we headed straight to Karaoke!  We had a fun night there and Thursday morning was all prep for our Thanksgiving Dinner at Kristina & Alex's.  I was making a Corn Succotash for the first time and my Orange Bourbon Cranberries.  Dad actually measured everything out for the Cranberries and stirred them while I prepped the Succotash.  I was very impressed with his ability to help me in the kitchen AND stay out of my way.  Oops ;)  My Succotash turned out great and Dad even ate it with all the random veggies I put in it, so I knew it was good.  We headed over to Kristina's that afternoon with Rutherford in tow (he got to spend the night playing with Ringo), we all and enjoyed a meat and cheese hour complete with cheese and summer sausage from Wisconsin that Dad had brought with him.  There was Butter Chardonnay among so many other beautiful wines, Champagne, and then Dessert Wine for later.  Our Dinner was a true feast with a Sunchoke Salad, Creamed Spinach, my Succotash, Mashed Potatoes and Stuffing, Turkey, Beef Wellington, Cranberries and more.  We all had to take a break before eating Pie for dessert!  Alex's friend, Jim, played some songs on the guitar for us, and we spent the rest of the night chatting about music, the old times and fun.  It was such a lovely Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving Vibes

On Friday, Anthony had gotten us tickets to the LA Auto Show so we spent all afternoon walking around the show and checking out the cars.  We did some research for a new car for me.  Of course, now the Honda Accords are getting great gas mileage, I apparently got the lemon year of 2010.  In the running is the Mazda 6 Grand Touring, Chevy Malibu Hybrid, and the Hyundai Sonata Hybrid.  I decided against the Lexus since the mileage is way too low, and while I like the BMW, I didn't necessarily feel like it was 'my' car when I sat in it.  I still need to go and test drive all of them but it was a great way to check them all out in a short time frame.  To top it all off, as we were walking to the other section of the show, I recognized an actor from my favorite Netflix show, 'Wentworth.'  I said his name out-loud, not thinking it could really be him, and he turned around so I had to think quick, and of course, started blurting out random information as Dad complimented his accent (he's Australian) and then we took a photo.  I was stoked; Luke McKenzie was so humble and friendly, and just an all-around nice guy.  That was really all I could talk about for the next hour, so Dad and I finished up at the show and came back home for Dinner.  I had specifically got a Blue Apron order for us that week.  It was a NY Strip Steak with Garlic Mashed Potatoes and Lemon Broccoli.  I also did a Carrot Souffle.  We went to Blind Barber for some after-dinner drinks and Dad found a new whiskey thanks to Daniel!  I may have to get him a bottle of Four Roses for Christmas!  We went and got Hawaiian Shave Ice and Dole Whip at this place on Sawtelle that Rachel had introduced me to and got settled in for the night to watch a movie.

My home-made steak dinner!

Saturday it was raining in LA, a rare thing for Dad to experience and we stopped at a couple Guitar Shops and also the Harley place in Marina Del Rey.  That night we went to Ruth's Chris for Dinner which was a nice treat.  We definitely ate well the week of Thanksgiving!  After Dinner, I had to head to work at Bar Lubitsch and it was a Saint's & Sinner's reunion with Mike, Carolyn (our new Bartender there) and I behind the bar.  Dad was kept company by some regulars and around midnight I went out and got him all settled in an Uber back to my apartment.  At the end of the night, a guy approached me and asked if that was my Dad I had gotten the Uber for.  I said yes, and he said, he has two daughters and he hopes that one day, they take care of and show that much concern for him, as I had done for my Dad.  Seriously started to tear up right there in the bar; such a sweet compliment!

Met Luke McKenzie at the LA Auto Show!

Sunday was more low-key.  I had been fighting a cold so I took a nap while we were watching a movie.  That night Dad and I met up with Giana and her parents at C&O in Venice for an Italian Dinner!  It was so nice to get our families together since they have so much in common, especially about their love for motorcycles.  On Monday, Rutherford went into surgery for his 'snip snip' and they also fixed his Umbilical Hernia.  It was nice to have Dad here to keep me calm since the second I dropped him off I started to cry.  Dad and I had Brunch at Overland Cafe and found out his flight was delayed so we'd be able to spend a couple more hours together.  We picked up Rutherford on the way home, and he was very out of it, so we just hung out with him and Dad got packed up so I could take him to the airport.

We had such a great few days together, just me and Dad.  It really was our first time hanging out together in LA since Mom was always with him when he'd visit.  Mom would come out on her own a couple times a year which I loved, so it'll be a new tradition that Dad and I will do now.  I may have to get him in the Kitchen more often too.  He's already excited about me coming home next week so we can have a Wine and catch-up night.  I'm really excited to be going home for Christmas the Holidays. Plus, Rutherford is going to have a new friend to meet, and me too, but that's a story for another day :)

Check out my new blog above with more pictures from Dad's visit!

No Alcohol for Six Weeks!

In October I got sick with a sore throat and cold.  I was run-down from rehearsals for two different shows, performances, work, Rutherford, and life.  I found myself having a glass of wine for Dinner with friends, or a beer while we watched Football on Sunday, or multiple beers while at a Dodger Play-Off game, or shots with friends at Karaoke, and before you know it, you're having at least one drink a day, a couple to a few times a week.  I enjoy drinking but I certainly don't need to have a drink to get through the day, and I'm very glad and thankful for that.  Although, I sincerely appreciate a great glass of wine with a home-cooked meal or while out to eat and work hard so I can enjoy that.  I knew I wanted to take a little break so I figured since I had just come down with this cold, it was a good time to take a week or two off.  

Headshot by James DePietro

On October 12th, I decided to not drink for two weeks.  Those initial 10 days flew by and I knew I'd be able to hit two weeks easily.  As soon as I hit two weeks, I thought, I can do another week, maybe I can do a full month?  I liked challenging myself.  As I went through that third week, a month seemed like a breeze.  In fact, as that month was about to hit, it was simple to not drink.  Mind you, I work in a bar three to four days a week, so I am constantly around alcohol, and yet, it was easy to say, no thanks.  Even on Halloween, while at a friend's House Party, I was able to enjoy the night with friends, food and games, and a glass of tea in front of me.  I did miss having a glass of wine while I was cooking my Blue Apron Dinner's, but it wasn't the end of the world.  I didn't even drink the night of the election when I think everyone was having cocktails!

I figured after a month, I'd go back to my occasional cocktail, but at that point, I really had no reason to drink so I was going to see how long I could go.  It was nice to be the Designated Driver, to know we were all getting home safely, to leave the bar at 3 am and not worry about being pulled over because I was completely sober.  As Thanksgiving was approaching, I knew I was going to have wine and I didn't really want to be a 'party pooper' and be wrecked after a couple glasses while we were with our friends.  So a couple days before, Giana and Adam came over, we played Wineopoly (leaned about wine from all over the world) and drank some delicious reds, watched a movie, and laughed.  It was fun, it was contained, and I woke up the next morning feeling great.  I felt healthy, there was no hangover (although I did take an aspirin just in case), and since I wasn't drinking alcohol lately, I had been on red alert to drink tons of water, and did the same thing that first night back, so I was hydrated.  I'll write more about that in my blog for my New Year's Resolutions from this past year ;)

What did I learn in six weeks of no alcohol? 

I'm still getting sick; no alcohol also means I'm restless in my sleep.  This past year has been a rough one and I still haven't gotten back to my normal sleep patterns, so I truly think that's the reason I've been on and off with a cough and cold for the last couple months.  I'm just worn down; alcohol is not a major factor in that but that doesn't mean it helps if you're already feeling under the weather.

My singing voice has improved.  My voice is much clearer, I'm able to hit higher notes, and it sounds more full.  I'm still working in the bar, yelling over the music, and my voice is still healthy.
I feel more accomplished.  I started writing the sitcom I've had on the back-burner for years.  Could this inspiration be because I haven't been drinking?  Maybe, maybe not.  But my thought process is clear and not clouded, and it's completely creatively-fueled!  I've been having late night writing sessions to keep up with the ideas in my mind, and sharing this project with my close friends has gotten me more excited about this whole process.  It also makes me want to start working on little projects that we can film and put up on YouTube since I have so many talented friends.
No hangovers (which I rarely have anyway) and no drinking time means more time for hanging with friends, getting my work-outs or work done earlier so I'm more available for the people who are important to me.  My friendships have flourished in the last couple months and when we're hanging out just a few of us, because I'm not drinking, it usually means, none of the other gals are either.  We're able to enjoy each other's company and really talk.  

I've been eating more healthy and doing two-a-days for my work-outs.  I've gained weight (it's probably muscle, right) but I feel stronger and healthier in that aspect, and can run for longer periods of time, do more push-ups and squats without tiring.  I've also been taking yoga classes once a week, and a positive mind means a positive body.  
My skin is clearer (another thing I attribute to drinking copious amounts of water) and there's no bloating!  My stomach is flat, aside from the little food baby, since I enjoy eating.  My eyes look brighter, in fact, my body as a whole just looks healthier, and that's a natural glow!

I've been working more hours, longer hours, and picking up shifts at the bar and I've been able to handle all of that much better than I normally would.  Stress is still there but I'm not drinking to make anything feel better.
I didn't even think about the monetary savings...as I said, I'm not a big drinker anyway, but I know I saved money by not going out, not eating food just because I had a cocktail or two, or buying a bottle of wine when the girls and I were hanging out!  That's money better spent on other fun activities!
Lastly, it's cool to not drink!  Go on, and try it!

Overall, it was a really welcomed break.  I didn't mind being the one not drinking, and I really do believe I've gotten more accomplished in the last six weeks because of it.  Now perhaps we'll see how the next six weeks go that I'm gradually welcoming cocktails and wine back, and see if I'm still on this creative path, healthy-eating, strong work-outs, and awesome relationships.  I know I will be...fresh perspective means positivity and I'm not about to let anyone down :)

Vintage Mom (Part 4)

I brought Vintage Mom to Afterbuzz about a month ago when I had to Host for our 'Real Housewives of New York' Aftershow!  It was a show that Mom had started to watch because I was talking about it at Afterbuzz and she wanted to know what we were talking about.  Needless to say, she was in for a wild ride!

I felt a little bit like Jane from 'Tarzan' with this Safari-vibe outfit but it was perfect for the hot Summer day up in Burbank.  Mom wore the coral tank all the time under shirts or sweaters and the cream vest occasionally during the Summer.  When I had been home in Wisconsin after she passed and gone through her closet, these still smelled like her normal laundry detergent because she had worn them more recently.  When I'm back in Wisconsin I like to wear her perfume and it makes me feel a little closer to her.

It's hard to drive to Afterbuzz because on that long drive I would call Mom to ask how her day had been and talk about mine.  Sometimes I'd even call her on the way home to hear what she thought about the most recent episode of 'RHONY' because she actually got into the show, as ridiculous as it was.  I'm not saying she enjoyed it, but she had an opinion and it was nice to hear her perspective.  I always miss talking to her; I wish I could hear her respond to the things I'm saying or asking.  I know that she is responding in her own way but I wish I could hear her actual voice.  Thankfully, my friends and my Dad have stepped up to the plate and I chat with them while I'm driving now and that certainly helps!

Not only am I wearing Mom's clothes but I'm wearing things that she's bought me over the years and it's a really wonderful feeling knowing she's with me all the time <3

Family in LA for Monica & Tyler's Wedding!

My entire family came out to LA in July for my cousin, Tyler and his fiancée, Monica's, Wedding in Newport and a week of celebrations!  We all grew up in Wisconsin but family came from Texas, Connecticut, Japan, and all over.  It was a really wonderful week with family and I wish we could all see each other more often!

My Dad, brother, Bobby, and his girlfriend, Melissa, got in late Wednesday night, and were here until the following Wednesday.  On Thursday they came into Irish Times while I was Bartending and had Dinner and hung out.  On Friday I had to film an Audition for a Hosting job in Lake Tahoe the following weekend (unfortunately I didn't get it, but I made it to the Top 4.  Thanks to the Casting Director who kept me in the loop and let me know I beat out over 1200 submissions to get to that level, hopefully I can get the next one) and after that we were on our way to Newport for the Rehearsal at the Church and then the Dinner after.  I got to meet my Goddaughter, Alina, for the first time at the Wedding, along with the rest of the Wedding Party.  At the Rehearsal Dinner our family was able to catch up with everyone and they all got to meet Rutherford too!

Bridesmaids...dressed and ready to go!  On time too :)

The Wedding day was sort of a whirlwind; I had gotten ready at the Hotel before heading to Monica's house in Cypress for some Wedding Photos with the Bridesmaids.  Then we all went to the Pacific Club to do some more photos with the Wedding Party before heading to the Church and doing some finishing touches.  The Wedding was beautiful and I know Mom was shining down on all of us.  We had some more photos after the Wedding with the all the families and the Wedding Party got to have some cocktails and snacks in the limo between everything.  Tim and I had planned what we were doing for our entrance into the Dinner and I definitely think we won that with our 'Dirty Dancing' lift and dip!  By the time we got to Dinner I was famished, and the meal was so elegant!  They have a Live Band that sang popular songs and were seriously awesome.  We all danced the night away, took pictures, and had fun!  It was an incredible Wedding...congratulations Tyler & Monica!

My Goddaughter, Alina and I, at her Baptism here in LA <3

On Sunday I was up really early because I had to get ready and prep for Alina's Baptism at my Church here in LA.  I was Reading in Church and they were going to say a little something for my Aunt & Uncle's Wedding Anniversary.  Father Joseph set up a really wonderful Baptism and even did a Ceremony for my Aunt and Uncle that was so special!  It was such a wonderful day and I was so glad we were able to do all of this at my Church!  Dad, Bobby, Melissa and I all had Brunch at Cafe Laurent, one of my favorite places and then went back down to Anaheim to hang out by the pool with my family and just hang out.  We had a family get-together at Monica's parents house that night, with cocktails, a Mariachi Band, and an incredible Mexican feast!  It was also a send-off party for Monica & Tyler who were heading to Mexico for their Honeymoon the following day!

Read more about the wild week in Part 2 below!

Family in LA! Part 2.

Not only did we have Weddings and Baptism's to celebrate, but our Independence on top of it all!

Since Monday was 4th of July we spent part of the morning by my Aunt Linda's with the kids who were playing in the pool and got to say goodbye to everyone, since people were starting to head back home.  Dad and I did a little grocery shopping later on and decided to BBQ at my place with some Brats, drink some beers, and then watched the fireworks on my rooftop!  Rutherford was such a good little boy the entire weekend.  He was quiet in the Hotel, was so social around all the people and kids, and the fireworks didn't even phase him.  Dad, Bobby, and Melissa were so impressed by all the firework shows we were able to see from my roof, we counted at least 10 different shows.  It's been the way I've watched the fireworks for the last few years!

Dad and I at the Petersen Museum!

For Tuesday I had planned a whole day for Dad and I!  I got us tickets to the Petersen Automotive Museum including the Vault Tour which is a must if you're going to the Museum.  We saw cars that Richard Rollins from 'Fast & Loud' owned, Rita Hayworth's gorgeous classic Cadillac, the first ever cars that were built and how they were improved over the years, and armored cars that Richard Nixon or the Dalai Lama had been in!  There were so many neat cars and I'd see a car and say that was my favorite, and then I'd see something else.  Although a Ferrari has always been my dream car, after doing a Driving Simulator I think I love the new Ford GT.  It's got a similar body shape to a Ferrari but it's just as incredible, more affordable, and definitely easier to get.  Dad really enjoyed the tour too!  I gave us a few hours to spend there but we could have stayed longer if we didn't have Dinner reservations at Mastro's in Beverly Hills to get to before sunset!  I had a table set up for us at the Mastro's Penthouse but Dad and I had a drink at the bar before we sat down for Dinner.  We started with a Wedge Salad, and then got Mashed Potatoes and Snap Peas with our Filet, and they brought Chocolate Cake and their famous house-made Whipped Cream with it!  I ordered a glass of wine with my Steak and was able to blind taste and guess which one it was based on the region; it was a really proud moment for me!  Everything was delicious and it was a really fun day, just being my Dad and I.

Dinner at Mastro's with Dad to celebrate Father's Day and my Birthday :)

I knew that week with everything that was going, plus everyone in town, was going to be crazy but as soon as everything began and family was arriving it all fell into place.  I definitely missed my Mom and wish she could have been there with all of us; I know she would have had a blast and things will never be the same without her here but she is definitely proud of all of us and is smiling down on us and the fact that we all held it together!  We celebrated in honor of her.  Being with family makes it so much harder when they're not around but we're all so much closer that I know it's only a couple months and we'll be seeing each other again!

Summer in Wisconsin

I was actually back in Wisconsin twice in less than a month.  I went back in May for a week to spend some time with my family, see my cousin, Nicole, graduate from UW-Madison, celebrate my cousin, Tyler, and my Dad's Birthday, and also attend Tyler & Monica's Bridal Shower.  Unfortunately, my second trip back was specifically for my Grandpa's funeral.  You can read about my Grandpa, Edward, here: My Wonderful Grandpa but we were able to enjoy the few days I was home with some fun as well!

Dad walking the pups!

It was my Dad's first time meeting Rutherford B Hayes, and also Rutherford's first airplane ride.  He got his Wings (Thanks Southwest) since he was such a good traveler and the flight attendants fell in love with him!  Dad was very excited to have a new puppy in the house but I'm not sure our dog back home, Cheli, was very happy about it.  Rutherford figured it out pretty quickly that Cheli would let him kind of 'rough house' with her, meanwhile, she was just annoyed with it, and would try to get away from him, any chance she got.  She even let him play with her toys!  They did have some cute moments together, like when Dad would take both of them for a walk, but they were both pretty tired by the time the trip back to LA came around for Rutherford and I.  We lost Cheli just this month, so it's been a very difficult year of loss for my family and I hope that we can all stay positive and find the lessons that God is trying to teach all of us.

Cheli & Rutherford taking a nap together <3

Bobby and I were able to go and see my Dad do his Trap Shooting one night and after we went and had Dinner at City Club.  There burgers are pretty darn good!  Lindy and Dave came to meet us at Pour Vino, which is always a go-to when I'm back in Wisconsin (especially for half-priced Wine on Tuesday nights). Dad and I planned a Boat Day for Thursday, since Bobby needed to get back to Madison that night and I was heading back to LA on Friday evening.  Lake Winnebago is less than 45 minutes from Plymouth, and I was very excited to see Dad's new boat, although I was skeptical at first, it was very cool.  We always make a stop and get Lunch and I had to get a good old fashion, Wisconsin Bloody Mary (Lyndsey style, of course) while we were there.  Rutherford even joined us on the boat, he's quite the adventurer!  Dad let me drive on the way back which was a lot of fun and it was the perfect sunny day!

Enjoying the Sunshine and a Coors Light on the Lake!

I know that as mad as my Mom would have been that my Dad bought a new boat, once she got on, she would have really enjoyed it!  Even though I know she was with us while we were out that day, it's family moments like that, that make it really tough to not have her physically with us.  I miss her every day.  It was really nice to be home with my Dad for a few days and get to spend some quality time with him :)

Rutherford B Hayes...my new Puppy!

I had been waiting for this moment my whole life...I became a Mom to this little nugget just a few weeks ago.  I met him when he was five weeks old and while I wasn't sure if he wanted me to be his Mom at first, he proved it by the time I left an hour later, that he was mine, and I was his.

The day I met Rutherford <3

The name Rutherford, sounded so cute to me but I also remembered there was a President, Rutherford B Hayes, and I needed to make sure he was cool enough so that my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel puppy could take on his name and wear it with pride.  RBH was the 19th President (I was born on the 19th), from Ohio, and he brought moderate social reform, was loyal and honest.  In fact, he fought in the Civil War and refused to leave his fellow man behind.  That decided it!  Trust me, I had a list of 30 different names but Rutherford was always the one that stuck out and my little nugget answers to it, seems to enjoy it, and in fact, when he was laying in my lap at five weeks old, I had said a couple things to him, and he only turned and looked at me when I called him Rutherford.  I guess he actually chose his own name; it's just so regal and fitting for him!

Nicole & Rutherford :)

I brought Rutherford (Rutherford Be-Have) home on the 31st of May and thankfully my cousin, Nicole, was with me, because she became the best personal assistant I could have asked for!  RBH was on his best behavior the first couple of days, exploring the apartment, not wandering too far from me, and sleeping peacefully.  I only had to wake up one time in the middle of the night (each night) to take him out (mind you, I do keep late hours so I'm not going to bed until 2 or 3 and wake up between 9 and 10).  We had no accidents until a few days in; then he got more wild and rambunctious and found out that his cute little face could make me melt.  How could I ever be mad or upset when he looked at me with his beautiful eyes and happy little mischievous smile!

There's no true comparison when it comes to raising children and having a dog but it does feel similar at times.  The constant supervision, the fact that Rutherford has completely taken over my life and attention, and me getting any work done takes five times as long, and certain things just get pushed to the wayside and are no longer a priority because he has taken over.  I knew he'd be expensive and time-consuming and he is, we'll just leave it at that.  But when he sleeps on my foot as I'm getting ready in the morning, or snuggles next to me to take a nap, or puts his head on my shoulder when I'm sitting on the floor and he's up on the couch, or follows a command I give him, there is no better feeling in the world than knowing he loves his Mommy, and I sure as heck love him more than I thought was imaginable.

Taking my happy boy to his forever home with me!

So here's to my little boy, Rutherford B (short for Bubba, one of my Mom's nicknames) Hayes, thanks for making me a Mom...I hope I'm making my own Mom proud <3

*You can find me on Instagram at: Lyndsey on Insta or Rutherford's Instagram: Rutherford B Hayes Wegner on Insta.  He also has his own Facebook page because he's such a cutie and wants to share his adventures with the world!  Find him here: Rutherford's Facebook  

**If anyone is looking for a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, I got him through Victoria at Woodland Cavaliers and I would recommend her to anyone!  Feel free to message me or comment with any questions :)

Monica's Bachelorette Party!

We had my future cousin-in-law, Monica's Bachelorette Party in Huntington Beach over Memorial Day weekend!  My cousin, Nicole, was in town from Wisconsin and all the Bridesmaids and I met up at Monica's family's home and drove to the Pasea Hotel & Spa where we were staying for the evening, which had just opened that weekend!

After checking in, popping some Champagne and exploring around the Hotel and checking out the shopping (also getting the Red Miso Short Rib at Lemonade) we went back to the room to get ready for Dinner.  We went to Sushi on Fire in downtown Huntington Beach and Mama took special care of us!  The food was amazing, the girls were adventurous, and we even drank some sake!  Of course, we had a checklist of Bachelorette Party things that needed to get done before the night was over and there was plenty of success on that!

Monica's Bachelorette Party!

We walked back to the Hotel, drank our complimentary Wine from the Hotel, had some girl talk and got ready for our night on the town!  We ended up going to Hurricane's Bar & Grill, took some shots, got our groove on while out on the dance floor, and had a great time!

Before heading out for the evening in Huntington Beach!

The next day we re-lived the night, shared photos and while searching for a place for breakfast ended up doing IHOP since it was Memorial Day weekend and everything was packed with a waiting list.  I had to get back up to LA since I was going to pick up my new puppy that afternoon!  Nicki was also staying with me in LA for the next couple of days until she flew back to Wisconsin on Wednesday.

The Bachelorette Party was so much fun and it was the first Bachelorette Party I had ever been to which means that any other one is going to have a lot to live up to!  I'm looking forward to hanging with the girls again next week when everyone comes back to California (including all of our family from back in Wisconsin) for the Wedding over the 4th of July weekend.  Congrats to Monica & Tyler...can't wait to celebrate your Wedding soon :)